Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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