You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
