I will die if light touches me.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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