i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize