Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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