I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize