so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
