It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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