i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
