New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I look better un-naked...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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