He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Couch. On fire.
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