Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
