everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
