dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
