So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
