Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
