So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
