i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
