Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
