i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
