I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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