the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
