What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
