I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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