We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
