Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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