I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well you can't waste a boner
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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