I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
