Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
