I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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