There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
