Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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