so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just come out here and I will go home with you...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
