in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
