somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
