Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
