why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
