I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
