I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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