he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
