Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So much rum. So many feels.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
