just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
