I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
