Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
