he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
