im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Reggie can tackle my bush.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
