is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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