nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
