My liver just broke up with me...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
