The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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