We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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