It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
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You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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