We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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