I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
