she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
