I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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