dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
