found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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