on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
3 2 1 whiskey
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
