you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
