Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
