you have to choose: penises or morals?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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