when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
