Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize