you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
