Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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