I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
