He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
