Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Houston, we have a blender
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
