You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
