he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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