p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
