Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he told me I talked like a deaf person
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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