i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
