He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
