I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
