I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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