It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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