He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
