who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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