Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
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Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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