TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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