do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
