I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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